i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
