I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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