I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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