Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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