VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
