There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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