I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
