Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
