Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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