Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You made out with two different species that night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
