dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
