My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
