I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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