i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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