yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
