maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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