1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This is the high leading the old right now
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He better not be in your backpack
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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