My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
