Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
