i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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