Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
