No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
