this beer tastes like vomit already
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
