Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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