a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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