i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
