Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
