Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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