if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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