Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
