between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
