do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
