Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
