Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
