Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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