any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
