dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
