Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
