I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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