Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
