I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
