I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
