so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
