The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
