Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
