Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
