All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my phone needs a breathalizer
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The uberlube is also flammable
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
