so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
