i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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