guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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