Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
