pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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