Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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